* Been forced to demonstrate some of my new skills to Benedict. Fucker. He could have just taken my behavior as read and stayed the hell away from me. It'd have been easier ... fuck it. Never mind.
* Been knocked hard on my ass by Finndo. Fucker. He probably filed my reaction to his announcement as ... fuck only knows. I said it was disgusting. I meant it was disgusting. I was talking about my losing my composure instead of the thoughts of having thought about having Selm get -- fuck.
* Learned that Selm considers himself the true heir to Andros, and is planning to do something about it. Fucker. What, is he my uncle or my cousin or just the kid of the highest ranking male who managed to spurt something out before -- Lady's Tits! No, let's not think about that last option, even though it doesn't make me as much of a target. Fuck!
* Realized that perhaps Selm might have had a harder time of declaring his intentions had I not made all of those suggestions re: guard placement vis a vis Alyra. Yes, I am a fuckwit.
* Visited Pappa at Finndo's behest to ask him about Selm. Learned nothing I couldn't have figured out from Amber's library, given time. Escaped Aikekodu without being locked up in my old room. Fucking A.
* Did serious time in Bran Brasil's library. Learned things I probably shouldn' t have. Still thinking about those. Fuckfuckfuckfuck.
* Wound up on the Draconis front. Wrists still hurt some from writing condolence letters. The fucking boss finally clued to shipping one off for duplication. I need to get a copy of that card from him at one point.
* Helped Cyrus kill a buttload of undead. Fucker still thinks I should be off tatting doilies and having babies. Speaking of which, what's the deal with his kid? I thought he'd be off taking shit apart with his bare hands in order to find her. I would, if I had a ... no. Stop it. Get that right out of your head, you fucking lunatic.
Oh. Yeah. Sybil does suspect something. Flat out announced that she did. Fuck. I'm going to have to pull away from her, get back to where she can't read me anymore. Maybe I should go look Osric up for some lessons on how to keep people guessing. I sure as shit could use some more work on the whole tactics thing; I mean, Finndo sent me out with Benedict to design a new fort for the one that got demolished and ... all I could do was sketch and make the occasional obvious comment. Not that I could even sketch that well, and he -- fuck. I thought I'd outgrown this shit! His hand on my shoulder warm through the back of my shirt, my hand under his calluses rough against the skin, my looking up into his damnably sharp soul-unraveling gaze ... you know, I don't even like hazel eyes. I prefer blue! Or black!
Yeah, I was really happy to see Alyra after that. She's doing all right. She's a bit weirded out by all of the witchy red light that the King was allegedly shooting around the Castle, but she's handling it. I told her to be sure to keep her head down, though shit no, I didn't give her a list of reasons why.
I didn't have the urge to kill her even once. Finally, something that's going fucking right for a change!
I'd like to get our relationship to the point where it would make sense for me to ask Finndo for a trump of her for me. This could take some doing, but ... it's all for the best, really.
The more I like her, the less likely I am to remember that I should be a Queen, not a secretary.